Contents Under Pressure
by SaitouMiharu
Summary: Written for fun. Urahara overhears Ichigo and Rukia talking about him, causing him to uncover a life-changing secret. But why him... Kisuke Urahara, hat-wearing manager of the Urahara shop? And can male Shinigami really get pregnant? Very random.


Contents Under Pressure

A Bleach Fanfic

By Saitou Miharu

Urahara Kisuke stepped quietly through the rooms of the Urahara Shōten, yawning as he raised his arms and stretched. He turned sharply to the right until he heard the cracking sound of his back, and then to the left, and when he was satisfied, continued his trek through the store. Finally he was standing at the door, but the voices outside kept him from reaching to open it. He recognized one voice as that of Kuchiki Rukia, but the other was strange and unfamiliar to him—kind of angry and a bit panicked.

"Rukia," the person hissed frantically, "This is not a laughing matter. I know you probably find it hysterical that someone you find annoying may be hurt, but... oh, man, what if he finds out it was me...?" Urahara blinked in rapid succession after the person finished speaking—Ichigo...?

The laugh of Kuchiki followed. "You know Urahara wouldn't beat on someone mindlessly." Kisuke's mind raced as he heard her say this—they were talking about him? But what could Ichigo possibly have done that would invoke him to worry?

"You know I haven't been controlling my spiritual pressure." Kurosaki told her. His voice was high-pitched and it cracked as he added, "I think... a part of me was carried to him... and now..."

"Do you mean..." Rukia paused a long moment, as if in shock. Then she whispered, so quiet Urahara could barely hear, "You might have caused something _inside him_...?"

"Yeah." Ichigo sighed. "About five weeks ago."

_"How could you have been so careless, fool?" _If Rukia was angry before, she was downright furious now. "Urahara is gonna beat you to a pulp when he figures it out!"

"So you think he'll figure it out?"

"Of course he will! No one is that dense! He'll start throwing up, and then... a week or so from now..." Kuchiki paused. "Ichigo, you're in deep crap."

Urahara turned from the door breathlessly. His head spun from all he'd heard in such a short time—he'd start throwing up? And what after that? And how could Kurosaki's escaping spiritual pressure cause—_wait a sec. _He fingered the brim of his hat thoughtfully, then stepped silently across the floor. Ichigo's spiritual pressure... a part of Ichigo being carried to him... it all made sense... but...

_A baby...?_

He slowly raised a shaking hand to the small knot on the right side of his shirtfront and pulled on it, untying it. Then he allowed the green fabric to part, revealing the pale skin of his stomach, and placed his hand over it. Could it... be true?

A horrible wave of nausea suddenly hit him. Hurriedly, he rushed to the bathroom, and curled an arm over his stomach as he puked violently. When at last there was nothing left, he uneasily pressed his palm against the floor and tried to stand. Then a strong, thick arm snaked around him and lifted him completely off the ground.

"Tessai..." Kisuke gasped. If the muscular man hadn't had a catch-light blocking Urahara's view of his eyes, Kisuke would have seen Tessai's gaze travel from his face to his bare chest, then to his stomach, and finally back to his face. Urahara assumed the man was staring at his midsection and wondered how long it took to start showing.

"Owner..." Tessai began, his arm still coiled around Urahara's thin waist, "Are you ill...?"

"No, no need to worry!" Kisuke shouted quickly, remembering the last time he'd taken medicine given to him by Tessai. "I'm absolutely fine. Nothing bad happening here!"

Ururu and Jinta entered the W.C. "What's going on?" Jinta snapped. "I heard voices and—" His voice cut off as he stared at Tessai and Urahara, still in their ridiculous position. He backed up slowly, bumping into Ururu as he tried to make his escape, but the girl moved around him and spoke very softly.

"Kisuke-san," she said shyly, wringing her small hands, "Are you alright? I heard someone throwing up, and I thought—" Her voice cut off abruptly and her eyes fell.

Urahara kept his gaze fixed on her as Tessai lowered him to the ground. Then the manager retied his shirt, pulled his coat about him, and approached her, raising her head with his hand. He glanced at Tessai, then at Jinta, and said, "I have to tell you all something."

He led the three Urahara Shōten employees to another room, where he proceeded to unwind the whole story—everything, including his fear that he may soon be a father. Ururu blushed a deep red when he admitted that he could be expecting, while Tessai and Jinta twitched simultaneously and stared as if they thought he was crazy. And maybe he was.

"Owner," Tessai breathed, the first to break the silence, "Can male Shinigami really...?"

"I'm not sure." Kisuke replied. He stared down at his own hands, the shadow cast from his hat covering his eyes. "But it's not altogether impossible. Especially since Kurosaki-kun can't properly control his spirit energy yet..." His voice trailed off into silence.

"But, owner..." Jinta looked genuinely concerned. "What are you going to do...?"

"I don't know." Urahara answered honestly. His eyes appeared troubled as they swept all his employees' faces. "Kurosaki-kun already knows, but he didn't mean to do it... he thinks I'm going to kill him for unintentionally knocking me up." His lips curved into a smile at the last sentence.

"Will you... keep it?" Ururu whispered.

Kisuke squatted down to about her height and tousled her hair. "Yes, of course I will!"

The shadow of a smile passed over the girl's face. "Thank-you, Kisuke-san." she whispered, dipping her head respectfully.

He ran his hand over her silky hair and grinned. He had absolutely no clue about how to raise a baby at the shop, or about the kinds of things really young children liked to do, or even about how the baby would get out of him—frankly, it was all shrouded in mist. And although the thought that the seed of Ichigo Kurosaki was inside him crossed his mind more than once, he decided that he would pull through no matter what—for Ururu, Tessai, Jinta, and Ichigo.

Ichigo—the boy who'd taken Rukia's powers—the high-schooler who'd knocked him up.

Kisuke straightened to his full height and slid open the front door of the Urahara Shōten. Kurosaki and Kuchiki, still sitting on the porch, jumped as he sang, "Good morning~!"

"I thought... you didn't open... for another ten minutes..." Rukia stammered. Ichigo looked on in shock, taking in the man's appearance. He'd known for weeks that he'd done something to the Urahara Shōten's manager, but this was the first day he'd admitted it to himself. Urahara's loose clothes made it hard to tell, but the man's thin structure appeared the same as ever.

"Well, I heard you two talking outside—" there was a hint of seriousness in Kisuke's voice, "—so I decided to go ahead and open early. What is it you need?"

Rukia quickly glanced at the ground. Ichigo composed himself and said softly, "Actually, sandal-hat... er, Urahara..."

"What's this? Calling me by my name, now, are we?"

"Shut up, it's just... I need to tell you..." Kurosaki swallowed hard and allowed his stare to intensify. He locked his eyes on Kisuke's and added quickly, "A few weeks ago, I... I felt as if I'd fired off an attack... and it felt like it connected. I figured it was nothing, but when I saw you two weeks ago, I realized I'd hit you. I mean... it's like..."

"It's alright, Kurosaki-kun." Urahara whispered. He quickly took Ichigo's hand and sharply jerked him to his feet.

"Hey, sandal-hat, you shouldn't—"

"Don't worry about me, Kurosaki-kun. I shall protect our child with everything I have, and although I doubt either of us will ever have romantic feelings for each other, we will be the perfect—"

"Wait." Ichigo's hand was between his and Urahara's face. "Child? What are you talking about?"

Urahara quickly gathered himself and managed to keep from looking like an idiot—although Ichigo thought him one anyway. "Never mind, Kurosaki-kun. Now what is it you wanted to tell me?"

"I just wanted to say... Rukia thinks it's highly probable that you'll get sick for the next couple of months... she says a Shinigami shouldn't allow another's spiritual energy within them."

A thin line of red dripped from Urahara's left eye. Ichigo shouted something at Rukia about if it was normal, and she shouted something back, while Kisuke himself raised a hand to his face and wiped it away—blood. He smiled at Ichigo and retreated back inside the Urahara Shōten, where he explained to his employees that he wouldn't have a baby after all. They tried to act disappointed, but Urahara could tell they were really relived—it must be worrying to hear that your male boss is having a child.

Eventually Rukia and Ichigo were invited inside to eat lunch with them, and mere moments after taking a bite of rice, Urahara dashed to the bathroom faster than Ichigo on a rampage. Ururu followed him worriedly, while Kurosaki got a good laugh out of it, once he realized what Kisuke had thought he had done to him.

_Urahara's not such a bad guy._ Ichigo thought. _I mean, to put up with the thought of having another man's child... and keeping his composure like that... And now he'll have to suffer through three months of constantly puking his guts out. _

Tessai stood and walked quietly to the W.C., saying jokingly, "I have an _excellent _medicine that counteracts morning sickness..."

_ Author's note: _Well, there you go.

Sorry about OOC-ness, I haven't read Bleach in a while and of course I have no idea how Urahara would react to having a baby. ^^;

I bet a lot of people stopped reading as soon as Urahara had his little realization, but to those of you who stuck it through to the end, I salute you!

And by the way, this is before Yoruichi came back for the first time in the manga. I don't care if it doesn't fit into the time-line, I'm not Kubo Tite, and thus don't have a great grasp on such things.

Thanks for reading! I might write another Urahara fic for his birthday, December thirty-first.

—Saitou Miharu


End file.
